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Basic Principles to Create a Healthy Marriage

By H.H. Chandramauli Swami

Challenges and difficulties are actually opportunities to make spiritual progress. When two people are roped together based on religious principles, getting guidance from seniors and through spiritual leaders and work through the difficulties even though it may seem impossible then that relationship becomes stronger. That is also given as a statistic that when two people somehow or the other agree to make it work despite the difficulties then in that effort success is there then that relationship becomes stronger. This is an important point to understand.

Actually this is the whole process of life itself. One makes advancement both materially and spiritually when one accepts difficulties as opportunities. When we see difficulties or challenges, of course we have to be fixed within our duty and our responsibility, and when we accept the difficulties as the mercy of the Lord then those difficulties actually awaken within us the realizations how to perceive our responsibilities. Krsna gives the intelligence.

Nowadays I see so many things how within our Krsna consciousness society being in the position I am in people come to me with so many marital challenges, problems and sometimes they want immediately to call it off and they want my blessings to call it off. Srila Prabhupada when he first began the Hare Krsna movement, in those days of course no one knew anything about Krsna consciousness marriages or how to become Krsna conscious within the marriage situation. So Prabhupada took on the responsibility for being the priest during the marriage ceremony and giving the directions, the blessings and the instructions on what it means to become responsible in marriage life.

After three years Prabhupada decided not to do that service anymore because he said, “You are not taking it seriously.” So it is difficult. Sometimes you may say unless you are in the situation you can’t really understand the situation, but we can understand from the authorities that ultimately that the goal is to become Krsna conscious and the opportunities to accept difficulties in the relationship and to rise above those difficulties or to accept them as the opportunity to become more connected in our devotional way.

So Radhanath Swami Maharaj tells this story, it is a personal story but he tells it also in classes. It is interesting when he was a little boy, about eight years old his mother said, “Your father and I don’t get along so good so we are thinking that maybe we should get separated.” As a little boy being attached to both parents he started to cry and his mother was really emotionally affected by her sons crying so she went to her husband and said, “Our son is really upset that we are going to be breaking up so lets try to make it work.” And because of that they stayed together just for the benefit of the child. Then of course later on their relationship became strong, so strong that later on they both became fully Krsna conscious. And his mother left the world at the Krsna Balaram Temple by the grace of her son.

So we can see how when two people somehow accept difficulties as opportunities to become responsible then the mercy comes in different ways. So even if not perfectly matched according to character and taste and it is very hard these days. I was told by some devotees that they got more than one astrological reading. They don’t like the first one they get another one and if they don’t like that one they can have multiple choice to see which one is the most suitable for their desire. You might say that it has an element of cheating in it.

Of course another way to determine what gives a safe entry into a relationship is to get the recommendations of seniors and friends who know both the boy and the girl and when they say, “Oh yes, we know her and it seems like it will work and so we give our approval. “ That is another way. That is very important also because we cannot somehow see through that situation.

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