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Vedic Principles for Harmonious Marriage

By H.H. Chandramauli Swami

Question: Krsna is interested in bringing devotees to loving reciprocation with Him, so I am often wondering that we see so many marriages breaking within our movement. Some really want to be devotees. (unclear)

HH Candrmauli Swami: Krsna has arranged for them to be broken apart? (Questioner -Yeah, Krsna breaks relationships all the time we see in sastra.)

I think it is a little dangerous to make that conclusion without getting that complete and clear understanding from ones spiritual master or someone who is in the position of a spiritual master because to think that the marriage breakup is Krsna’s arrangement. It could be the person. The could be many reasons why the marriage may not work but the basic principle is lack of training in both understand what it means to be responsible in married life and practice those religious principles in accordance to the needs of the ashram. Obviously in our society there has been many mismatches.

If somehow following the regulative principle and this is a very controversial statement but it is mentioned that Prabhupada says that generally, it is due to the weakness of the ladies that the marriage falls apart. Men have big egos and part of keeping your husband happy is to satisfy that ego in a Krsna conscious way. A man gets married because he wants someone to take care of him, understand his nature and to serve that nature nicely and then when he sees that then he is inclined to give himself completely to his wife. But if a woman does not follow the nature of the man then there is always some kind of imbalance.

The Vedic system is the ideal system was a woman understands the nature of the man, not his material nature but what he needs in order to practice Krsna consciousness nicely. Also in a material way by providing affection, by care and kindness and service when that is there then the man is inclined to give himself completely. That is the nature of the male ego. If you get married and then your wife does not cooperate then what is the use of marriage? Or if the husband is not qualified then the wife feels why should she take so much time and effort to satisfy the husband when actually he has got too many material tendencies.

There are various examples throughout history were ladies have made their husbands Krsna conscious by chastity and service and they have won the hearts of their husbands in such a way that the husband actually becomes Krsna conscious and he becomes more inclined of taking care of his wife. So these are the finer aspects or the subtleties of the relationship but still religious principles are the culmination of that.

Now in the early days Srila Prabhupada also separated men and women. One of my dear God-sisters, Cintamini, she was there, she had just come to England for the first time, and she was describing her she was speaking how Prabhupada arranged for her marriage to Sudama and they got married and at one point Prabhupada was looking for persons to take sannyasa. So Sudama got the idea that it was good to take sannyasa and he wanted to take sannyasa so he cam to Prabhupada and said, “Prabhupada, I would like to take sannyasa.” Prabhupada said, “You have to get permission from your wife.”

So he went to Cintamini and he said it in such a way that, “Prabhupada wants more sannyasis. I want to be a sannyasi. Could you give me permission?” And she said, “Okay.” And that was the end of the marriage so he went on and took sannyasa. It was like that, whatever Prabhupada wanted. She thought Srila Prabhupada wanted her husband to take sannyasa so she agreed. The desire of the spiritual master became most important in that situation.

So she got married because of Srila Prabhupada’s desire and she got separated because Srila Prabhupada wanted sannyasis, obedience to authority – really hard to accept!

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